Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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