we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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