she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
