So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
