barbara walters just said penis...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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