and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
