My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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