maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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