you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
