Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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