i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize