I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
