You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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