I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
