Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
