Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
