whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
