I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
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Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
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Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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