Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
