She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
