i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
