The best revenge is premature balding
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
