Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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