so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
