Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
