i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
