Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
