READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
