you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Your tits are I can't wait for
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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