Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
this is an emotional support booty call
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
