The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
