Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
