Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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