I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
