she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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