I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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