The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
