The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
