Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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