I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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