Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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