You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
