He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
