living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
