you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So many bounce houses so little time
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
