Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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