I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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