Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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