I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
