"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you traded sex for a burrito?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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