Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
