What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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