I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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