thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
