the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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