It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
