I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
