Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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