remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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