no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
