Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
