Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
