my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
