The panties match.
I'll be right there.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
