you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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