I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
