Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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