Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
