there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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