oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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