gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
