gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
they're like a gay fantastic four
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
