you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
