turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize