Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
