The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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