i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
