Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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